| I've started believing in God and Heaven and stuff in the real-life way, again, instead of just the intellectual, apologetic, apathetic kind of way, I think. Or, at least I'm working on it. And, it's funny how, when you start to believe God in a realistically, physically, truly-going-to-happen-to-me way, well. It's downright frightening. For some reason I thought that when I died it was going to be really peaceful. Like, whenever my life is chaotic and complicated, I sort of want to get it all over with and be in Heaven. I mean, right? But actually, I think really DYING, and then seeing GOD... will be kind of... tumultuous, and scary. I don't know if I'm looking forward to it. I love this life too much, I know I do. It's wrong, to like where I am so much that I don't want to be with God. Heaven will just be different, is all. But in a familiar way, though, probably. Working this week, 7-3 (in Vancouver, AUGH, which means that I have to wake up at 5, AND I don't get to do pilates), and tomorrow is Dad's birthday. Also, tomorrow night Granddaddy Baird and Carlotta get in, which is nice, and then Wednesday Aunt BJ gets in, and then Aunt Terry on Thursday. Hooray for my Aunts! I love them. Then I'll work, one more week, with Thursday and Friday off, and THEN I'll go to Pennsylvania. I'm nervous and excited. REALLY excited. Also, yesterday something really awesome happened to me. Like, something I was praying for, and yet... didn't have enough faith to believe would ACTUALLY happen. And it did, and I don't deserve it. |
